DFW Based Blog about Parenting, Sobriety, Recipes, and Daily Comedic Life


DFW Based Blog about Parenting, Sobriety, Recipes, and Daily Comedic Life

Things I Never Thought I’d Say

Things I Never Thought I’d Say

I know that some interesting things come out of kids mouths, but I never

imagined I’d say some crazy things too as a parent!


Below is just a sampling of some funny stuff,

I never thought I’d hear myself say to my children (or AT ALL).

PLEASE comment below some of your funny stories!!!!


*That potty seat is NOT a hat!

*Do not hit your brother with that! We only hit balls with a baseball bat.

*I thought you were a ninja.  Ninjas are much quieter!

*PLEASE do not throw up right THERE!

*We do NOT spit on the iPad!

*Ice Cream is Not Breakfast Food.

*Stop squirming so I can put your diaper on before you pee on me!

*The LEGO man does not need to eat your dinner.

*Bananas will not go back in the peel and you cannot freak out over that!

*Toys do not go in the dishwasher!

*The cat is not a race track for your cars.

*Quick! Get out of the bathtub. I think your brother is about to poop!

*Unlock the car so I can get back in!

*Don’t pee right there!

*Furniture is not a playground.

*You can’t ride Mimi and Papaw’s dog!

*Use your spoon…quit drinking yogurt from the bowl!

*I guess you can use those as swords!?!?

*Don’t put that whole thing in your mouth…wow…you just did!

*Batman does not go in your guitar!

*I am not opening more food in the grocery store.

*Quit hanging on your brother’s neck!

*Ewww….I’m not even sure WHAT that is on your hands and mouth!

*Where did you even learn that word?

*STOP TALKING! For like, just 1 second!

*Wipe your own bottom…you know how!

*Ranch does not go in your hair!

*Hold your penis…I don’t want pee all over my shower curtain!

*Quit spitting on the cat!

*Why are you freaking out right now?

*It’s your brother’s turn to be Spiderman.

*Oh no…don’t jump in the puddle. Well, now you’re soaking wet!

*You can’t wear a bicycle helmet in your car seat.

*Leave mommy alone for just 5 seconds in the bathroom!

*Go the F*$# to Sleep!


This list could go on and on and on, but I would

LOVE to hear some of the things that have come out of

your mouth and made you think

“Wow, I NEVER thought I’d say THAT!”

Please comment below with

your favorites!



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